User blog:AmberTempest/Because I was bored....DIE RAMBER SUPPORTERS!!!!!
Fine, so I lied. XP But trust me, this will be just as evil... So, I present: Amber's List of Surefire Ways to get killed or at least tortured (or crucio'd) 'Round the block and back again! A complete guide to annoy, harass, confuse, or generally scare Lord Voldemort. Or Vesper 1. Personally, I'd do Vesper 1.... #Laugh at him all the time. #Knit him things. Really hideous things. #Chew bubblegum all the time. Should he address you, your only response will be a series of huge bubbles in quick succession, the last of which will burst everywhere and make a mess. #Smile during Death Eater (or Vesper) meetings and say you taught him everything he knows. #If you ever need to say 'Like taking candy from a baby," be sure to add 'Of course SOME of us might find that harder than others...' Stare pointedly at him. #Pinch him. Make sure he squeals. #Roll your eyes during plotting sessions and say things under your breath like "You're the boss, boss" or "It's your funeral." #Greet him in the morning with a sarcastic 'My sir, you look particularly menacing today!' #Taunt him about his middle name. 'Marvolo? What is that, a washing detergent?' (no Vesper 1 sub. available) #Play cards with him. Tell him he has no poker face and how does he expect to rule supreme without one? #Let off party-poppers in his face whenever the urge strikes you. #'Did you even HAVE a girlfriend? Like, ever?' #Whack him on the arm and say 'mosquito' ....every few minutes. #Be generally in awe of him and never look away. #Imperio his Death Eaters into a rousing chorus of 'All Things Bright and Beautiful'. (Strangely, this will work with Vespers too. O_o) #Ask him if he's sure 'the whole evil-maniac-out-for-power-and-revenge thing isn't getting a bit old?' #Tell him you know this great therapist in London.... #Steal, snap, and bury his wand. (Um...) #Tell him Lucius did it. #Give Rita Skeeter full knowledge of his whereabouts and contact details. (This would annoy anyone) #Remind him that he isn't even really alive. (Ditto) #Offer to sacrifice Draco Malfoy 'to the cause.' #Make cague allusions to Harry Potter being his son. #Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance to prophecy." #Leave disgusting and rotting dead things near him. Insist that it's 'aromatherapy.' #Begin any question you ask him with 'Riddle me this!' Empasis on Riddle. (Again, no subsitute.Mr. Vesper 1, please tell us your name?) #Do not EVER act in the slightest way intimidated by him. Treat him as you would an eccentric aquaintance. #Throw biscuits at him. Constantly. #Tell him you think evil master plans of world domination are 'kind of girly.' #Quote Argus Filch. Insist HE will one day rule the world. #Mimic everything he says in a sing-song voice. #Follow a few paces behind him, spraying everything he touches with a can of disinfectant. (My personal favorite...) #Psychoanalyze him. Conclude that he is 'mildly depressed' and 'a bit of a control freak.' #Mock his baldness. (Is Vesper 1 bald? One can hope...) #Drag out a banjo at Death Eater (or Vesper) revels and start playing 'Kumbayah.' #Be Harry Potter. Be alive. #Ask him where he gets his garlic-scented soap. #Make him dance in the rain with you. #Insist that this is to cleanse his soul. #"Accidentally" schedule him for a haircut. #Even though he's bald. (....) #Be offended by everything he says. #When he gives you an order, stare at him blankly and drool. #Tell him that getting the same plastic surgeon as Michael Jackson was definately a bad idea. (*shrugs* it'll do for now...) #Whenever you look at him, cover your eyes with your hands and scream 'IT BURNS!!!!!!' #Ask him to give you written summaries of his sinister plots for revenge and war. Correct his spelling and award gold stars. ( XD ) #Mock his choice of Quirrel as a 'host.' (Yeah, forget this one.) #Tell him you think yoga class could 'cure him of his wicked ways.' #Get the song 'Mr.Tambourine Man' stuck in his head. (Is that even a song..?) #For modern listeners, do 'They're Taking the Hobbits to Isengard.' (That's better...) #Hint that he is only a character in a book and will never triumph. #Eat his pet snake. Offer him some. (Vesper 1 might not have a snake. Be prepared for anything.) #Start drawing outlandish parallels between his life story and Star Wars. Talk at great length. #Ask him when was the last time he took a bath. #Play 'knock and run' at his bedchamber door late at night. (Be sure you can run fast.) #Call him 'The-Man-Who-Let-The-Boy-Live.' (It might annoy V1...) #Ask him why the Dark Mark couldn't look like something 'more socially acceptable?' #Be cheerful. #Insist you've met chunks of cheese with more cunning plans than his. #Imperio the Death Eaters to dance the Funky Chicken. (Get some popcorn and charge admission) I sure hope you enjoy this, but please remember that I am not responsible for any deaths or injuries resulting from this list. Although you may claim so. Either way, before you sue (or Avada Kedavra), please feel free to leave your own malicious ideas for torturing the worst people in literary history. I still have a death-wish, you know... XD Category:Blog posts